During lunch at work, between the hours of 11:00-12:00, on the TV in the break room, you will find The Price Is Right (sans Bob Barker). While watching said game show you are inundated with commercials every ten minutes or so. The commercials seem to be of two flavors: 1) that guy who used to sell Quaker Oats but is now trying to hock term life insurance or diabetes testing supplies; or 2) drug companies hocking their latest fix-it-all medication. I’ve noticed that probably around 60-70% of the commercials are for these medications, covering a broad spectrum of illnesses and conditions: depression, anxiety, constipation, asthma, sleeplessness, arthritis, joint pain, erectile disfunction, STDs, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. Pick a problem and there is probably an over-priced drug for it. What is hilarious is listening to the full 20 seconds of warnings and side effects and potential risks involved in taking the medication. Here is a list of some of the effects from various medictions:
Less serious risks include:
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Diarrhea
- Constipation
- Sleeplessness
- Drowsiness
- Headaches
- Dry mouth
- Acne
- Blurred vision
- Runny nose
- Clogged nose
- Half runny, half clogged nose
- Bacon cravings
- A desire to practice naked yoga in your driveway
- Playing possum
- Listening to Dido albums
Moderate to severe risks include:
- Respiratory infections
- Trouble breathing
- Low blood pressure
- Thoughts of suicide
- Heart attack
- Stroke
- Blood clots
- Severe bleeding
- Kidney failure
- Liver failure
- Ulcers
- Erections lasting over 4 hours
- Weakened immune system
- “Fatal condition resulting from…” (seriously, this was a side effect for some medication)
- Desire to watch The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
- Inexplicable attraction to Bette Midler
- Longing to celebrete Michael Bolton’s entire music catalogue
Rare, but really, really nasty risks include:
- Pregnancy (especially in males)
- Eternal damnation of the soul
- Loss of firstborn son (Egyptians only)
- Genetic mutation
- Decaptiation
- Growth of extra limbs
- Alien abduction and probing
- Increased desire to vote McCain/Palin
If you or a loved one are taking medication and experience any of these side effects, please, consult a physician.
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4 comments:
I'm still trying to figure out how an erection lasting 4 hours is considered a negative side effect. One question I've always had about that is: how do they remedy that situation? Pour sugar on it like a dog in heat?
Question: Are the increased desires to vote McCain/Palin for their younger selfs, or old/retared selfs? Because Palin was hot and McCain was b.a.
Question: Are bacon cravings considered a problem, because bacon freakin' rules.
Statement: I would like to subscribe...tell me how.
That is all.
i must be having some major side effects of the drugs i take b/c i've definitely had urges to practice yoga naked in my driveway.
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