Side Effects

During lunch at work, between the hours of 11:00-12:00, on the TV in the break room, you will find The Price Is Right (sans Bob Barker). While watching said game show you are inundated with commercials every ten minutes or so. The commercials seem to be of two flavors: 1) that guy who used to sell Quaker Oats but is now trying to hock term life insurance or diabetes testing supplies; or 2) drug companies hocking their latest fix-it-all medication. I’ve noticed that probably around 60-70% of the commercials are for these medications, covering a broad spectrum of illnesses and conditions: depression, anxiety, constipation, asthma, sleeplessness, arthritis, joint pain, erectile disfunction, STDs, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. Pick a problem and there is probably an over-priced drug for it. What is hilarious is listening to the full 20 seconds of warnings and side effects and potential risks involved in taking the medication. Here is a list of some of the effects from various medictions:

Less serious risks include:

  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Diarrhea
  • Constipation
  • Sleeplessness
  • Drowsiness
  • Headaches
  • Dry mouth
  • Acne
  • Blurred vision
  • Runny nose
  • Clogged nose
  • Half runny, half clogged nose
  • Bacon cravings
  • A desire to practice naked yoga in your driveway
  • Playing possum
  • Listening to Dido albums

Moderate to severe risks include:

  • Respiratory infections
  • Trouble breathing
  • Low blood pressure
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Heart attack
  • Stroke
  • Blood clots
  • Severe bleeding
  • Kidney failure
  • Liver failure
  • Ulcers
  • Erections lasting over 4 hours
  • Weakened immune system
  • “Fatal condition resulting from…” (seriously, this was a side effect for some medication)
  • Desire to watch The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
  • Inexplicable attraction to Bette Midler
  • Longing to celebrete Michael Bolton’s entire music catalogue

Rare, but really, really nasty risks include:

  • Pregnancy (especially in males)
  • Eternal damnation of the soul
  • Loss of firstborn son (Egyptians only)
  • Genetic mutation
  • Decaptiation
  • Growth of extra limbs
  • Alien abduction and probing
  • Increased desire to vote McCain/Palin

If you or a loved one are taking medication and experience any of these side effects, please, consult a physician.

 

 

Advertising and the Church

I haven’t complained about churches in quite awhile, mainly due to the fact that I attend a couple different churches that aren’t corporately retarded and understand that there is more to church than simply getting bigger. But I digress. I don’t intend to complain here, only to make some observations about how the church markets itself to the world in the attempt to make itself more appealing and desirable.

Marketing is an interesting phenomenon. My brother is fond of saying that the goal of advertising is to “polish a turd and convince you it’s a diamond.” But, as he says, “a turd is still a turd even if itwears a tuxedo.” The fact is that marketing works. What the product looks like, where it is placed in the store—in the aisle and on the shelf—and what you perceive the product can do for you is far more important than what the product actually does. The goal is to sell the product. This is what marketing is about.

And to be honest, it works on me sometimes. You, too, I’m willing to guess. I buy chips and mints all the time based on 1) packaging (what catches my eye) and 2) flavor. I just bought a Wii, somewhat impulsively (we’d thought about it for a couple weeks), based at least partly on the advertising I’ve seen on T.V. I started working part-time for a company recently that stocks trading cards at Wal-Marts, near the checkout lanes. The whole section of sports, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, etc. is arranged in a specific way to highlight popular products. Having spent 3 rather unsuccessful months as a car salesman I realized that much of marketing is about making the customer feel something towards the product, whether it be shampoo, food, or a $45000 Ram 3500. If a salesman or advertiser can make you feel a sense of need ad ownership then they have won 90% of the battle. Whether the shampoo might make your hair smell like a fragrant horse rectum or that car might lose a wheel 3 miles down the road is secondary to how it makes you feel to buy it. Call it form over function or substance.

What seems to be more and more the case (at least I’ve unscientifically discovered) is that the most effective products are often times the least advertised. This isn’t a general sweeping statement as some highly stylized products actually deliver. I recently purchased some lotion to keep in my locker at work. When you work with towel all day and are constantly wiping your hands with sanitizing wipes they get a little on the dry side. Most lotions smell horrid: to strong and fragrant, to womanly, to “lotiony.” This lotion, called simply “Corn Husker Lotion,” is the best, non-smelly lotion I’ve ever used. This is a product with zero advertising and a simply bottle, with a simply label, with a simple lotion that delivers.

Biblically speaking, you could probably make a case for Satan being the first advertising executive (not that all advertisers are Satanic). In the Garden the serpent convinces Eve that she “won’t surely die,” that her “eyes will be opened,” and she’ll “be like God, knowing good from evil.” Never mind the utter destruction that would be wrought by eating the fruit and the fact that God said, “Don’t freaking eat it,” Eve is convinced, seeing that the fruit was pleasing to the eye, she took and ate.

The Church, seeking relevance in an ever-changing, post-modern world, has replaced true discipleship with marketing and programming as the primary means of  “reaching” into the world. The goal, despite what may be stated, is not the ushering in of the kingdom, nor the transformation of lives, but convincing the world that “our” church has what you need to complete your life: self-help groups, child care, a “killer” youth ministry, a rocking worship band, and a “pastor who wears jeans” (I actually saw a church advertise this once). It isn’t that these things are bad in and of themselves (though I’m not sure your pastor’s wardrobe has much to do with anything); it’s that they aren’t the point. Churches that advertise the crap out themselves don’t always have the message to back up the boasting. Too often the church is a “turd in a tuxedo.” No substance. All style (bad style). Fancy buildings, slick advertising, expensive youth rooms, free coffee and the like can’t hide for long the “turdiness” of a church. Three of the most effective churches I know of can only be found by those who want to find them. They are found mainly through relationships, disciples reaching out to their neighbors and drawing them into the community of faith. Yes, they have websites telling you what they offer, but the focus is not on convincing you to come to them. Instead they are “going into the world,” bringing people into the community instead of simply waiting to be found, or convincing you that what you need is right through their doors.

I’m certainly not saying that churches shouldn’t let people know what they are doing and what help they offer, nor am I suggesting that churches that advertise are the demon spawn of Satan. What I’m advocating substance over form, depth over dimensions, relationships over billboards. Far to often what is offered varies wildly from what is “given.” Worse, there are times when the means contradict the end. The message of Jesus gets lost or watered down by world-like methods of bringing people into the church.

Here’s the point: the Church has to be more than slick advertising. It has to be about the kingdom come “on earth as it is in heaven.” It has to be about life-giving. It must be live out in its body the death and resurrection of Jesus.

shalom, matt

New Features

Just added a couple new features to the ol' bloggarino. If you will scroll down you will find under the blog archive two pictures, one from National Geographic Pic of the Day and one from the Astronomy Pic of the Day. Mostly it's pointless but pictures are cool and I was bored. 


shalom, matt

Strands Runnin' Through the Ol' Duder's Head

Was Murdoch really the brains behind the A-Team? Perhaps his sheer genius drove him insane (or perhaps it was the Vietnam War).

For some inexplicable reason I have a craving to wear pants made of velour.

Factory life is getting a bit tedious, predictable, and irritating. Not as glamorous as it seems.

I wonder what God is planning for my future. Maybe I should ask…

Mirrors make you look more muscular than you really are. I like mirrors.

How does the “don’t throw pearls before swine” passage relate to the Church? To the disciple? To the world?

If the government has $700 billion to bail out irresponsible, greedy banks, then why don’t they have it for healthcare?

I’m betraying my vote here but McCain/Palin may be the scarier of a ticket than Bush/Cheney (don’t like them either).

We may well be witnessing the steady downfall of America. Disagree? The Romans didn’t think Rome would fall either. Oops.

I haven’t quite learned to fall asleep standing up but I’m going to keep trying.

When will the Church realize that the U.S. Government is not their Savior, Counselor, Guide, or ________________________.

Just think what would happen if the world’s population actually sought the good of their neighbor over themselves…

I like my new Skechers.

I have no idea where my relationship with God is at this moment. Can’t even begin to explain to anyone how it is.

I miss youth ministry.

I don’t miss youth ministry.

They started playing music over the speaker system at work. I suppose it’s to “boost morale.” I might be boosted if 95% of it didn’t suck.

I’m not sure anything helps boost morale during a 12 hour shift.

There may not be anything more useless than 6-year-olds practicing soccer. It’s like herding crack-addicted baby kittens with hyper-activity.

I’d love a dog, if said dog came with someone who walked it and cleaned up its offal for me.