Things That Would Be Better Than Working a 12-Hour Shift When You are Coming Down With and Illness

I’ve been sick for, like, 5 days now. Not fun. Started getting sick at the beginning of 12-hour shift. Even less fun. Thought I might kick it during my two days off on Monday and Tuesday. No dice. Felt like crap on Wednesday and Thursday (two more 12 hour shifts). Wanted to die. Went to the clinic. Nurse Practitioner told me it’s viral and I just have to wait it out. Fantastic. So, that’s why I’ve not posted anything in a while. In response to all of this I present to you the list of Things That Would Be Better Than Working a 12-Hour Shift When You are Coming Down With and Illness.

Working an 11-hour shift when you are coming down with an illness.

Bull-fighting naked with only a Twizzler (cherry) and a napkin to defend yourself with.

Relaxing at a beach-front condo on the shores of the Lake of Fire in Hell.

Eating pumas (without milk).

Listening to an All-John-Tesh hour on the radio.

Wander around the lion cage at the zoo wearing meat pants and shouting “The Lion King sucked” through a megaphone.

Consume your body weight in pork rinds and Funions.

Halloween party with schizophrenics.

Jogging in corduroy pants and a wool sweater.

Watching women’s basketball.

Working a 12-hour shift when you are really sick.

Being run over by a cargo ship.

Two words: Lifetime Channel.

Hope you are healthier than I am.

shalom, matt